


Hopes and Dreams

by Hallur



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 04:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14512758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallur/pseuds/Hallur
Summary: Samantha had been among the most enthusiastic supporters of Shepard, the Commanders accomplishments speak for themselves, defended the Citadel, saved the Council and in so doing earning humanity a seat on said Council. Even after Shepard was supposed to be dead, she managed to save Sam’s life from a Collector attack. But then everything changed, Shepard burned an entire world, almost plunging the Alliance into war with the Batarians.But before the Batarians attacked, something else did. The Reaper War had begun, and now Sam was serving under Commander Shepard. And Sam needed to know if the Commander really was someone in which she could place all her hopes and dreams.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows Samantha’s life both on the Normandy and a little over a year after the conclusion of the Reaper war, I chose to use a modified destroy ending, where the red light only destroyed the reapers, and not the geth or EDI. The prologue takes place entirely in the after-war period, but all other chapters will follow Sam aboard the Normandy and end with a short foray in the after-war period.  
> This is the first story I have had the courage to release and I’m not a native English speaker, so I’ll be grateful for any feedback. Thank you for reading: Hopes and Dreams.

It was a perfect morning; the sun was rising sending rays of golden light onto the bed. Sam was smiling as she felt her daughters rhythmic breathing under the palm of her hand, she was the most beautiful thing Sam had ever laid eyes on and Sam wanted nothing more than kiss her, pick embrace her and hold her tight to her chest, but the girl was so peaceful lying there sleeping. A sudden exhale made Sam look over to Ellie, a lock of red hair draped her scarred cheek. As much as Sam wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed with the two of them, she had a surprise to prepare. As she was sitting on the edge of the bed getting dressed the door to the bedroom opened and a golden retriever named Baily came sauntering in, it sat beside Sam and laid its head on her lap. Sam sighed, pulled on a shirt, bent down to kiss the dog on the forehead and got up. She entered the kitchen and turned on the kettle, made sure the dog had something to eat and started to make breakfast; waffles, eggs, ham and sausages, she would have made an English breakfast, but Ellie didn’t like beans. She looked at the time, it was nearly half past 6, way too early for her but Ellie got up at 7 every morning, and today she was determined to have everything ready before Ellie got up. About half an hour later Sam placed the food on a tray along with a mug of steaming tea and made her way to the bedroom. Sam was not surprised to find that Ellie was awake and playing with the little girl beside her, the two of them seemed so lovely together.

“Hey you two.” Sam said with a smile. “How are my favourite girls?” Ellie looked up at her, her eyes lingered on Sam’s eyes, oh god she was gorgeous, green eyes, red hair and freckles running from one cheek over to the other, and such a perfect nose.

“What’s this?” Ellie asked. “Breakfast in bed?” Sam didn’t answer but walked over to stand by the bed.

“Sit up.” Sam said with a smile and placed the tray on Ellie’s lap.

“I must have done something good.” Ellie said. “Ohh waffles!” Sam beamed at her, she knew that Ellie would have forgotten. “So, what’s this for?”

Sam didn’t answer straight away, instead she lay down beside her daughter and started to tickle her, she made such a beautiful laugh. “It’s been a year.” Sam said, as she started to laugh along with the baby girl, she could hardly believe how well her life had turned out.

Ellie stopped wolfing down the waffles. “A year, already?” Ellie placed her fork and knife on the tray and looked at the silver ring on her finger and smiled. “Best year of my life.” Sam sighed in agreement. “So, what else have you got planned for me?” Ellie asked, there was a mischievous tone to her that made Sam chuckle.

“Eat your waffles, we have a doctor’s appointment for her.” Sam nodded at the little girl between them. “In an hour, and I’m going to get a shower.” Suddenly the dog jumped up on the bed and started to sniff the little girl, he still hadn’t gotten totally used to her. Ellie grinned and scratched the dog behind his ear.

“You know.” Ellie said with that mischievous glint in her eyes. “I could join you.”

Sam narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you dare.” She said and got back out of bed. “By the way, I invited your mum by later today.”

“She’s on Earth?” Ellie said in surprise.

“It’s not my fault you don’t check your email.” Sam said as she made her way towards the bathroom.

“Yeah, well my comm officer quit.” Ellie called at her back. The water was heavenly, Sam still couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She was married to the kindest most beautiful woman she had ever met, had a great house and the beginnings off a wonderful family. It had not been easy, before Ellie Sam had been just another lieutenant in the Alliance. She had had a good job, and good friends but almost all her efforts had been spent on her work. No real relationships and she had never really sought one. But the day she met Ellie, everything changed, it was the same day the war began. Sam got out of the shower, grabbed one of the monogramed towels hanging from a heating rack, they had been a wedding gift from Ellie’s mother. She looked down and read the name. “Samantha Shepard” and smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a day like any other, Sam had almost gotten into a routine. She had for the last six months been working on the Normandy, Shepard’s former ship, while it was based on the original Normandy this ship was far more advanced, but it had taken considerable damage and it was also getting some upgrades. The Normandy was being converted into a command ship, some admiral had taken a shine to it and wanted it to be his flagship on some upcoming mission. This meant that some serious changes had to be made to the communication systems onboard, which was what Samantha and two other comm Specialists had been tasked with. The work was basically done now, all that was needed was cleaning, there were wires and cables strewn on the floor connecting the various systems and it was her job now to figure out a way to move them under the deck plates without damaging them, so that the crew didn’t trip over them. During her lunch break she got to talking to an Engineer Adams on the crew deck, he had served onboard the original Normandy and so had been transferred here to work on the drive core.

“So how long will it be before you’re done down there?” Sam asked.

“Well, we’re space worthy now, but the drive core is still a little too unsafe for my taste, it’s extremely powerful but that has its drawbacks.” Adams said sipping his coffee. “Still I’m alone down there now, so I guess it won’t be long before Anderson takes her out.”

Sam furrowed her brow. “Wait, Anderson? As in former councillor Anderson?”

Adams nodded. “Admiral now, he captained the original Normandy for a while.”

Sam was quiet for a while, and then she asked the question she had wanted to ask, ever since she had learned of Adams’ service record. “You served on the original Normandy, didn’t you?”

Adams suddenly looked a little defensive, almost as if he knew what she was going to ask. “Yes.”

Sam was suddenly afraid of asking. “What’s she like?” When Adams looked confused, she realised she’d forgotten half the question. “S-S-Shepard I mean, the Commander, what’s she like?”

Adams looked somewhat surprised, and amused. “Well, I don’t know her very well but.” He looked down into his coffee. “I remember how she spoke to the crew, kind and gentle, never unfair. She listened and offered a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on to anyone who needed one. That crew loved her.” Adams was smiling. “She talked us into going on an impossible mission. We stole the ship.”

Sam recoiled. “You did what!?”

Adams looked up laughing. “I know, the crew was concerned, we had committed treason, but we knew if the Commander asked this of us, then it was the right thing to do. That’s what’s she’s like, at least to me.” Adams gulped down the last of his coffee and stood up. “Thanks for the chat.”

Then he left, it seemed he didn’t want to answer more questions. _That’s what’s she’s like?_ She sounds so perfect, too perfect. Sam remembered when the Commander had been made a spectre, it seemed unbelievable at the time, a human spectre, she never thought that the other races would have allowed it. Humans had not had the best of luck in joining the galactic community, human efforts out side the Sol system had always led to conflict and in many circles it was thought that humanity was moving too fast. But this Shepard, it had seemed that she had been the best of us, she had hurled humanity into a leading role on the galactic stage, whether we wanted it or not. She was the reason that humanity had a seat on the council and the Alliance fleets had a leading role in galactic security along with the Turians, but it was more than that, at least it was for Sam. Sam had been on Horizon visiting her parents when the Collectors attacked, it had been the Commander and the Normandy who had saved them, she had beaten the collectors back. Sam owed her life to Shepard, but then. The Commander had destroyed an entire system, burned a colony, hundreds of thousands dead, an unforgivable crime and her justification was no better. The Commander had come back spouting some insane story about sentient star ships coming to kill us all. Sam didn’t think that the Commander was evil, she couldn’t be, she had done so much good, but maybe she had cracked, gone insane. It seemed the only explanation. Sam went back to work, with the help of EDI the onboard VI she managed to clean up all the bigger cables in the VI core.

“EDI what time is it?” Sam asked. “13:47” EDI answered in her incredible voice, Sam sometimes wondered if EDI ever got a body, if she and her would… well she liked her voice. No other VI had a voice quite like hers, at least not one she had come across, their voices had all been obviously computer generated, but EDI, she was a little formal but if Sam hadn’t known that she was a computer, well it was a healthy fantasy.

 “All hands to battle stations!”

 _What!?_ Alarms started blaring. “EDI what’s going on?” Sam was really confused. _Battle stations?_

“The docks are under attack.” EDI answered in a completely out of place neutral voice. _Under attack, but we’re on Earth, how can anyone be attacking Earth?_ The ship shook, and Sam lost her footing.

“Hang on this is going to get rough.” Came a calm but loud voice out of the intercom, it was Joker, the pilot. _Battle stations? But where am I supposed to go?_ Sam wasn’t part of the crew, she didn’t have a station.

“EDI! Where am I supposed to go?” She almost screamed at the ceiling, Sam was so scared, she worked in Alliance R&D, she wasn’t a soldier.

“You are needed at the communication station on the CIC.” EDI sounded insistent, Sam made her way to the lift and pressed the call button just as the room started to suddenly shift from side to side. Then she heard mechanical noises beneath her followed by a _thump,_ the main guns firing, this was real. As the lift doors opened Sam scrambled to the communications terminal by the galaxy map, there were thousands of distress calls, what the fuck was she supposed to do!

“EDI!!! HELP!” She screamed, she could feel the tears gathering in her eyes.

“Admiral Anderson sent a distress signal, I need you to find it. Sending IP address of the beacon.”

EDI’s voice was higher than normal, almost as if she was under stress…. _Right, find the distress signal, I can do that._ Sam started to sort through the signals, but there were to many. “Where is he?” Sam shouted to EDI. “Vancouver harbour.”

 _Ok ok ok, he’s here, I can ignore everything outside the city, here it is._ “I found him, sending you the coordinates.” Sam stood there waiting for a reply, not knowing what else to do.

“Specialist Traynor, I need you to head to the forward battery.”

Sam almost fell over. “What? Why? I don’t know anything about guns.”

EDI answered in a neutral tone. “I need you to open the missile doors manually, the doors are hardware locked.”

Sam was scared and confused. _Hardware locked?_ That meant nothing to her. “EDI, I don’t know how to open the doors.”

Again, EDI answered in a level neutral tone. “I will instruct you when you arrive, please hurry.”

Sam jumped into the lift and hammered the button labelled Deck 3. Her heart was racing, and she smashed her elbow against the doors as she sprinted out of the lift. It hurt as all hell, but she didn’t stop until she had reached the forward battery. As soon as she entered Sam almost wanted to run back out, the gun was lowered, and she could see streets flying by below her, tinted blue by the force field the was supposed to keep air in and space out.

“Do you see a red panel on the starboard side?” EDI was back, Sam saw the panel and opened it, there was a lever inside. “Lower the lever.” Just as Sam reached fore the lever, the world ended, everything was a bright blue, she couldn’t see anything.

“The lever!” EDI sounded desperate, and Sam fumbled for a few seconds, but found the lever by feeling for it, she pulled hard and the lever went down. Sam heard mechanical noises all around her, and then. “Doors opening, firing missiles.”

Sam collapsed to the floor, tears streaming from her eyes. Sam felt suddenly ill, and raised herself unsteadily to her feet but vomited, and fell flat on her ass. “Specialist Traynor are you all right?” EDI’s voice sounded blurred and far away. “Specialist!” Sam was drifting off, she’d never wanted to sleep so much.

Then came EDI’s voice again, but different, closer, kinder, more intimate. “Sam?” Sam shot up to a sitting position.

“EDI, ohh… what’s going on?” Sam tried to get up on her feet, her head was spinning, and she felt nauseas.

“We are leaving Earth?” Sam rolled over and vomited again. It tasted awful but Sam felt slightly better. “Samantha are you well?” EDI sounded concerned.

“I eh, I’m okay, thanks EDI.” She stood up, and slowly made her way to the table on the crew deck and sat down in one of the chairs. Only then did she notice that she was shaking uncontrollably, Sam then buried her face in her hands, and started to cry. She sat there for a long time. _All those people, dead. Earth attacked._ “Running silent, stealth drive engaged.” It was the Jokers voice; well he hadn’t been wrong about this being a rough ride. Sam didn’t know what to do, where to go, but most of all she was afraid. Then suddenly, she heard the lift doors open and someone rushed past her, she raised her face out from the palms of her hands and saw three people through the med bay windows, a massive soldier hurled a body on one of the beds. He looked like a marine on steroids. There was an asari in a lab coat standing over another body on a bed, Sam didn’t know much about asari, but it seemed strange that one was on the ship. The asari was talking to a woman, no not a woman, Sam suddenly seemed to wake from her stupor. That woman was **Commander Shepard** , Sam could recognise the armour as N7, and the Commanders face had been plastered on every vid-screen for the past six months.

 _What is happening? What’s she doing here?_ Shepard suddenly ran for the door and in to the lift, where was she going? Sam went to follow but instead ran right into the asari, who looked at her, then jump to catch her, Sam had almost fallen again.

“Goddess! Are you alright?” She did not wait for an answer. “James, I need help.” The marine came running out of the med bay.

 “What’s going on, Christ she’s as white as a ghost.” Sam closed her eyes and felt a pair of strong hands around her.

“Can you take care of her, I need to follow Shepard.” It was the asari speaking, she sounded desperate and scared.

“Go, I got this.” Sam heard fastmoving footsteps toward the lift, as she was gently but firmly guided in the other direction. “Can you hear me girl.” The Marine sat her down on a table, or maybe a bed?

 “Yes.” Samantha heard a weak voice and realised that it was her own. “Yes, I can hear you.” She said, more forcefully this time but still quite weak.

“Computer, VI! C’mon whatever your fucking name is.” Sam opened her eyes and saw the marine, shouting at the ceiling.

“My name is EDI; how can I help?” EDI’s voice had returned to her normal neutral.

“I’m not a doctor, you know what’s wrong with her?” Sam latched on the words _wrong with her_.

“Specialist Traynor, is in shock. She is in need of sleep, rest. In the cabinet by the door, top shelf, red box.” _There’s something wrong with me?_ The comforting hands left her.

“What, this?” Sam fell on her back. “Yes, give her an injection, 2cc’s.” _What’s going on?_ She felt a sting on her right arm. “What now?” the marine sounded completely out of his depth. _It’s all right; I’ll just close my eyes for a bit._ Sam was so sleepy.

 

Sam came out of the bathroom to find Ellie holding their little girl high above her, she was laughing. “How about Anne?” Sam asked walking over to the dresser.

“Anne Shepard, I like it.” Ellie pulled the girl close, and started to kiss her over her entire body, and the girl laughed hysterically. “What do you think, huh? Anne, that’s a good name for you.” Ellie said in-between kisses, the girl continued to laugh.

“I thought so.” Sam opened one of the drawers and pulled out a pair of blue skin-tight pants, Ellie came over to her and kissed lightly her on the neck.

 “Anne.” She said. “Anne.” Sam repeated turning to face her wife.

“Anne it is.” Ellie said and kissed Sam, her lips felt as full and wonderful as ever, Sam dropped the pants she was holding, and placed her right hand on Ellie’s back, feeling her way down the spine.

Ellie pulled away gently, her smile was teasing, almost inviting. “Later, tonight.” Ellie said in a low voice.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Sam said, not letting go. Ellie handed her the baby.

“I need to take a quick shower, since someone wouldn’t let me join her.” Ellie said as she let go of the girl.

“I’m starting to regret it.” Sam let go of Ellie at took the child in to her arms.

“I’ll just be a few.” Ellie went into the bathroom and Sam’s eye lingered on her as she walked away. When the door closed she looked down to her daughter. “So, Anne, I think I like that name.” Anne looked up at her smiling and clapping her hands. “You and I need to get dressed, ouf… and you need to be changed.” Sam kissed her fat little cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam felt groggy, her eyelids seemed glued together. There was a sound, distant voices, she opened her eyes. There was a woman with grey hair, standing over by the terminal.

“That’s fine EDI, will you just please keep an eye on her for me? I don’t think she’s handling this very well.” _Is she talking about me?_

“I will try to inform you if she does anything drastic, however I am bound by Alliance privacy constraints. She may also wish to keep this to herself.” It was EDI’s voice who answered, the woman sighed.

“I’m the chief medical officer onboard this ship, can’t I just order you to do this.” There was a brief pause.

“No, you can order me to relieve her of duty, or you can relieve her yourself. But you cannot order me to, ‘Spy’ on her.” _Is she going to relieve me of duty, am I in that bad a shape?_  Sam didn’t feel awful, her body just felt tired and hungry.

“Thank you, EDI, I know you are looking out for her best interest, please just make sure she doesn’t kill herself.” _No, they can’t be talking about me, I’m not suicidal_.

“I will, Doctor.” EDI said, Sam tried to sit up, it was more effort then she had expected, God she was tired. “Hello there dear.” Came an incredibly motherly voice. “I’m Dr Chakwas, how are you feeling.”

Sam yawned. “I’m tired, where am I?” There was an orange light as Chakwas‘s omni-tool scanned her.

“I’m not surprised you’re tired, you’ve been sleeping here for near enough an entire day.”

 _Wait, what?_ Sam began to remember. “The Normandy, I was… I fell and… there was a blue light.” Sam was panicking.

“Hey hey, it’s all right.” Chakwas held her arm. “You’re safe, it’s over. We’re at the Citadel.”

 _The Citadel, what?_ “What happened to Earth, who attacked?” Sam started to tremble. Chakwas embraced her, then sat down beside her, one arm around Sam’s shoulder and started to explain. Sam cried through most of it, but the doctor was patient and helped her through it. The Reapers had attacked Earth, destroyed Arcturus station, Shepard’s insane stories were right, she had always been right. And it was not just Earth, several worlds had already fallen, even Palaven was under siege. The doctor told her that Sam had been in shock, after so much sudden action, that the blue light she remembered had been the Thanix Cannon firing. That it was all right, she was fine, just rattled and that she was to take the day off, doctors orders. Sam thought for a moment, then tasted something in her mouth, there was something awful.

“Doctor, did I… ehh … Did I throw up?” Chakwas smiled, and somehow her smile made everything a little better.

“I’m afraid so, on the main guns even.” _Oh god, what have I done?_ “Don’t worry about it.” The doctor said with a kind smile. “I had one of the new servicemen clean it up. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but then there are advantages to rank, isn’t that right Lieutenant?” She winked. Sam then thought of a pressing question.

“How am I getting home, where is this ship going?” Chakwas smile faded.

“I’m afraid you’re not going home, at least not yet. I imagine you will be welcome to stay here on the Normandy, I heard that you were a big help to EDI.” Staying on the Normandy, it was as good a place as any, and Shepard was here, maybe this was the best place for her. She would need to buy some supplies on the citadel, for spare uniforms she would have to make a requisition order, but she also needed normal clothes, shower gel, toiletries oh and a toothbrush. Chakwas offered to accompany her to do some shopping, Sam accepted, and they headed out.

Apparently, crew of the Normandy had access to the presidium, Sam had never been there before, it was beautiful, but she felt out of place, this was where the rich and powerful mingled. She felt more at home on the wards, where most of the station’s population lived and worked. After Sam’s spending spree they stopped at a café and took a break before heading back.

“So, tell me, what were you doing onboard the Normandy before the attack.” The doctor said as she ordered coffee for them.

“We were retrofitting the quantum entanglement communication systems, and we pretty much wired the entire war room.” It had been good work, Sam had always loved her work for the Alliance and the friends that came with it. _My friends at the lab might be dead now._

“I’m sure the Commander will see us through this.” Chakwas said in a comforting tone, she must have seen Sam’s emotional change on her face. _Am I this obvious?_

“Your bedside manner is very good doctor.” Sam said with a weak smile, Chakwas took Sam’s hand in hers. “Call me Karin.” They sat there for a few minutes talking, it was obvious that the doctor was trying to cheer Sam up and maybe that was exactly what she needed.

The conversation inevitably turned to Commander Shepard. “You know the Commander?” Sam asked, she was still trying to figure out what kind of woman the Commander was.

“Yes.” Chakwas said sipping her coffee. “I served under her on both the SR1 and the SR2. I have never met a more driven woman than Ellie.” _Ellie?_ Sam was surprised to hear Chakwas use the Commander’s first name, suddenly Sam was hesitant.

“Could you tell me about her?” Sam felt stupid asking the question.

“What would you like to know?” Sam looked down at her hand, Chakwas had released it. Sam tried a different approach then she had with Adams.

“Is she really the best of us?”

Chakwas chuckled. “You’ve heard the stories, heard of her adventures, what do you think?” Sam struggled on how to word the question.

“That’s the Commander, I want to know about Shepard, the woman. Who is she, what is she?” Chakwas sighed, as if gathering her thoughts.

“I’m not sure that I’m the right person to answer that question.” Chakwas sounded tired. “The name Shepard has become as much a title as a name, they are not easy to separate. Being friends with Shepard can be difficult, she has a habit of committing herself fully to the people around her, helping wherever she can, putting herself in harm’s way for others. But such dedication comes at a price, and being her friend means accepting that price.” Chakwas seemed to be holding back holding back her emotions, with limited success. With a tired undercurrent to her voice she said. “I’m afraid my dear, that if you really want to know her, there is no one who can answer your questions but Shepard herself.”

Sam felt a little dejected by the answer, but at least it gave her a course of action, talk to Shepard. But what was she going to say? _Hi Commander Shepard, first human spectre and most famous woman of all time, are you really a good person, or are you just a raving mass murdering lunatic?_ Yeah, Sam was going to have to work on that.

They headed back to the ship. After thanking Chakwas for her help and letting her get back to work, Sam headed for the crew quarters, chose a bunk and got settled in. Then she sat down on her bunk and began to think of a way to talk to Shepard, she couldn’t just walk into her cabin and start asking questions. Well maybe, if she had a pretext. There was a data pad on the table, she picked it up and started to write up a briefing on the Normandy retrofits. When she thought she’d done a passable job of it, she headed for the lift. Sam stood there for a few long seconds, before pressing the button labelled Deck 1. The ride up was long and a bit nerve racking, she was already regretting doing this. _Too late to turn back now._ The door opened, and Sam stepped out and started speaking.

“Commander Shepard? I’m Specialist… oh.” The asari from before was there talking with Shepard. “I was just leaving.” Said the asari as she walked past Sam and entered the lift.

“Commander Shepard, I’m comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, with Alliance R&D.” Sam saluted. “I was part of the team retrofitting the Normandy after you turned it over to the Alliance. There weren’t many of us aboard when the Reapers hit…”

Shepard held up her hands and smiled, stopping Sam in her rambling. “Slow down, Specialist Traynor. You’re doing fine.” Some of the nervousness left her, at least for the moment. Shepard was an imposing figure in person, she was also much prettier than Sam remembered from the vid screen, she had freckles, Sam hadn’t noticed that before.

“Thank you, I worked in a lab. I never thought I’d be serving on a ship.” Shepard opened a door on her left and went through it, only now did Sam notice that they weren’t actually in her cabin, but a hallway.

“Why don’t you tell me about the retrofits?” Sam followed her in to her cabin and was astonished by the luxury. There were fish tanks on the walls, quite a large workspace, a large L shaped sofa with an accompanying coffee table, and at the back of the room a large double bed. _I could get used to this, maybe I should get myself a command of my own._ As Sam survey the room she said.

“The ship’s in line with Alliance regs now, and it has new top-of-the-line quantum entanglement communicators. In fact, Admiral Anderson had intended to use the Normandy as his mobile command centre.”

Shepard stopped by the fish tanks and said. “That’s no longer an option. He chose to stay behind and lead the resistance back on Earth.” Shepard sounded angry, as if she didn’t agree with Anderson’s decision to stay.

“In any event, I’m honoured to serve under you, Commander.” Sam wasn’t sure that was quite true just yet. “For as long as you need, that is. They only sent me here to oversee the retrofits…”

EDI cut her off. “Shepard, some of our systems require further testing, and Specialist Traynor has been extremely effective during installation. I would prefer that she remain.” Shepard nodded. “Got it, EDI.”

 _Wait. What?_ Something did not add up here. “Wait… since when does a virtual intelligence make requests?” Shepard gave a slight smile. “EDI’s and AI. Fully self-aware.”

 _Oh, Joker that lying bastard._ “Oh, I knew it! I knew Joker was lying!” EDI quickly came to her pilot’s defence. “Jeff requested that I pretend to be a simple VI to protect myself. I apologize for the deception.”

 _Oh fuck!_ Sam just realized she had spent the last six months flirting with an AI, flirting with **very** explicit language. “Thanks, EDI. And I apologize for, well you know!” Sam could feel herself blushing.

“There is no need to apologise, I understand.” Shepard looked confused.

“Wait, I understand why EDI’s apologising, what are **you** apologising for?” She looked straight into Sam eyes.

“It is a private matter.” EDI said before Sam could figure her own way out of this. “Hmm, fine. Keep your secrets.” Shepard said with a coy look on her face.

“Shall I take you through the retrofits?” Sam asked before she could embarrass herself anymore than she had already. She spent the next few minutes explaining the retrofits to Shepard, the most drastic change was the addition of the war room, it was designed to be a strategic command centre.

“Well, it’s still my old ship.” Shepard said fondly as she held up her hand to the wall. Sam looked at her for a moment, then said.

“Can I ask you something?” She started to feel nervous again. Shepard glanced at her.

“Speak freely.” Sam decided not to ask about the Bahak system directly.

“Can you tell me about the Reapers?” Shepard seemed determined to keep her expression neutral.

“I don’t know all that much about them really, I know that they are much more powerful than we are, that they have done this before, many times.” Shepard crossed her arms. “They have wiped out countless civilizations, and if we do not beat them, soon, they will destroy ours as well.” _Who are these Reapers?_ “But why do they do this?”

Shepard sighed. “That’s the million credit question. I don’t know, and the Reapers haven’t been very forthcoming about their motives.” Sam knew that if she wanted answerers, she was going to have to ask directly.

“Are they the reason, you… blew up that relay?” A flash of pain shot across Shepard’s face, it seemed she hadn’t expected Sam to ask so bluntly. Shepard walked to the sofa, sat down and gestured Sam to join her.

When Sam had done so, Shepard stared at her, Sam had the impression that she was being scanned. “I have answered that question quite publicly, I’m sure you have seen it. So, why are you asking me?”

Sam felt increasingly uncomfortable, as if she was trespassing in someone’s private affairs. “I have seen the interviews, and I remember Admiral Anderson supporting your claims, but I never truly believed them. It all seemed so farfetched, that I never gave it much mind. I wanted your answer because I want to understand.” 

Shepard looked down at her feet and stayed silent for a long while. When she finally spoke, she didn’t seem like the Hero of the Citadel, she sounded suddenly much older, and so tired. “I sometimes imagine, what if I had arrived sooner, had more time. Maybe I could have…” She trailed off. “What I did is indefensible, I destroyed not only a relay, but a colony of 304982 innocent people, I tell myself that they died so that we might have a chance, but…”

EDI interrupted. “Incoming transmission over the QEC for you Commander, it’s Admiral Hackett.” Sam was relieved, she saw the strain this conversation was having on Shepard. “Thank you, EDI.” Shepard said, still sounding tired. “You’re dismissed, Specialist.” Sam stood up and left without a word, she didn’t trust she wouldn’t say something stupid. Just as Sam reached the door, she looked back and saw Shepard wiping her eyes.

 

“When will mom be coming by?” Asked Ellie as she strapped Anne in the back of the car, then sat next to her.

“About noon I think.” Sam answered, programming the address of the doctor’s office onto the car’s controls.

“Do you know how long she’ll be staying on Earth?” Ellie asked as the car began moving. Anne was petting Baily clumsily on the head, he just seemed vaguely bored.

“Two weeks I think she said.” Sam liked Hannah, Ellie’s mother, she reminded her very much of Ellie. When Sam and Ellie announced that they were getting married, Hannah had offered to pay for the wedding. She had told Sam that she had been afraid that Ellie would never get married. Sam had told her that there was no need, Hackett had already managed to get the Alliance to pay for the whole thing.

“I’ll make sure the guest room is ready for her.” Said Ellie. “We must give her every chance to gush all over her granddaughter.” They arrived at the doctor’s office, and while Ellie took Anne in, Sam went on a walk with the dog. Vancouver’s recovery had come a long way in the last year, there were still areas off rubble and bombed out buildings, but as a whole the city almost looked its normal self again.

When they got back home, the doctor having said Anne was the picture of health, Ellie went to prepare the spare bedroom, and Sam put Anne in her crib, she had fallen asleep on the ride over. They spent the rest of the morning on the porch bench, relaxing in each other’s arms. This is where Hannah found them.

“Hey you two.” She called to them. Ellie and Sam got up to greet her, hugs and kisses where exchanged.

“Hi mom, long time no see.” Hannah beamed at her daughter.

“Yeah well, there’s a lot of work to do, Hackett practically had to throw me of the station.” Hannah was overseeing the construction of Resurrection station, smaller than Arcturus had been but designed to be expanded. “So where is my granddaughter?” She said with an expecting smile.

“She’s sleeping, she’ll be up soon. Where is your luggage?” Ellie asked. Hannah hadn’t brought a single bag or suitcase with her.

“I’m staying at the barracks just outside town.” Of course she is, Hannah was not one to invite herself to stay anywhere uninvited, even in her own child’s home.

“Nonsense, my mother-in-law will not be sleeping on a bunk surrounded by marines, when we have a perfectly good bed here for you.” Sam said insistently.

“Hey! What’s wrong with marines?” Ellie exclaimed.

“Marines smell, darling.” Sam teased. They heard crying through the bedroom window, Anne had woken up.

“I’ll go get her.” Said Ellie and made her way inside.

Hannah then asked in a slightly concerned voice. “How is Ellie?” Sam gestured toward the front door.

“She has her bad days, fewer now. But the shrinks don’t think it will ever truly leave her.” Sam said, she could hear the sadness in her voice.

“You know, more than anyone else, you saved my little girl.” Hannah held Sam in a tight embrace. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the middle of writing my bachelor at the moment, so i'm afraid the next chapter won't be ready until mid June. But I still take feedback, and will try to correct any mistakes in my writing.  
> I know the story is a bit slow right now, I promise some more action in the next two chapters, I hear Palaven is nice this time of year, HINT HINT.


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